Zamboni Ramblings

Better question: Who in their right mind would write about hockey at this time of year?

I guess people do need their hockey fix, even when it’s summer time and the weather is fine. People still play hockey on the streets or inside air-conditioned rinks. Sports fans in Montreal, for example, still focus on the Canadiens in July, despite the popularity of football’s Alouettes and soccer’s Impact.

Currently, my mind isn’t thinking about hockey. But I realized a long time ago that it’s impossible to ignore the frozen sport, especially when everything frozen is melting outside.

So with that in mind, here are some hockey-inspired tidbits that have been swimming around in my head:

Lindsay Lohan

There is a way for the Hollywood actress to avoid drugs and overcome the addiction that has landed her in jail: Give Lindsay a hockey stick.

No, I’m not kidding. I’m very serious about this.

Hockey could provide the same type of adrenaline rush Ms. Lohan experiences from her current lifestyle. It’s certainly safer than the alcohol and late-night parties. It might even point her towards the path of recovery.

Who knows? Lohan might enjoy playing hockey to the point where she decides to turn pro. What basement-dwelling NHL team wouldn’t want to have her suiting up? I’m looking at you, Edmonton. You too, Long Island.

Kovy and the 17-year contract

Damn, that would’ve been a lot of dough.

We shouldn’t be surprised. Sky-rocketing salaries are part of the pro sports landscape. You can wave your salary cap flag as much as you want; owners, agents and players will always find a way around it.

It’s funny. Back in the 1950s, an NHL player would be happy with $20,000 for the season and a team jacket.

The Miami Three

Unless you live under a vending machine, you probably know about the recent triumph of the NBA’s Miami Heat.

All-stars Chris Bosh and LeBron James will be joining fellow all-star Dwayne Wade in South Beach. Suddenly, the Heat is the team heavily favoured to win the NBA title next year.

Could something like that happen in hockey?

Absolutely!

Just imagine: Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin joining Ryan Miller in Buffalo. It could happen.

Don’t bother telling me hockey players are more respectful than basketball players. There is no loyalty in pro sports.

If Sid or Ovie wanted a one-hour special to announce a decision, you can bet TSN, CBC and Sportsnet would be more than happy to provide the airtime. And we would all find ourselves glued to the television, even though we said we wouldn’t after the insult that was the LeBron James spectacle.

(Finally) The Schwartz

Hockey54.com co-founder Launy “The” Schwartz is a top-10 finalist for the second season of Drafted on The Score. (Vote here, in the bottom right corner, to help The Schwartz achieve his dream.)

I couldn’t be happier.

I’ve known Launy for a few years, going back to the days when we would work Junior A hockey games in Markham, Ontario. When it comes to Canada’s Next Sportscaster, there’s no one better than him.

Right now in fact, I can hear Launy polishing/practicing his Jack Nicholson/Joker impression:

“Wait till they get a load of me.”