Stevie Y Could Solve Anything

By Eric Rosenhek

In case you haven’t noticed, there are several H-54 members who admire Steve Yzerman. Not a day goes by without “Yzerman” and “bromance” uttered in the same sentence. Needless to say, we were all surprised when Stevie Y was named the new general manager of the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Technically, we shouldn’t be surprised.

Professional hockey is a business. And when a great opportunity presents itself, it would be foolish to ignore it.

Then again, this is Steve Yzerman we’re talking about - Hockeytown’s favourite son.

This is the man who literally grew up with the Detroit Red Wings. This is the man who led the Wings from near-extinction to Stanley Cup glory. He’s also the man who has already established himself as a successful hockey executive.

Yzerman has played with the best, worked with the best and has learned from the best.

If anyone could turn the Lightning around, it’s Stevie Y. His wealth of skill and knowledge makes him a brilliant tactician.

Truth be told, Yzerman could probably solve anything.

Take the BP oil spill in the gulf. If Stevie Y were involved, he’d figure out a way to cap the spill on the first try. And then he would have the gulf and nearby beaches cleaned within hours. No environmental disaster. No threat to anyone.

Even Al Gore would be jealous.

The G20 Summit is coming to Toronto. The cost for the event is nearing the billion mark. There’s also a growing concern about safety.

But if Stevie Y were coordinating the Summit, he’d find a way to appease everyone.

World leaders would feel safe, and protesters would be able to freely voice their opinions without the urge to cause damage.

And there wouldn’t be a need for tear gas and rubber bullets, residents in “the secure zone” could move around without having to constantly produce ID, businesses in the restricted zone could open, the Art Gallery of Ontario wouldn’t have to close its doors for the Summit, the fake lake would never exist, and the Toronto Blue Jays wouldn’t have to play three “home” games in Philadelphia.

The Gosselins, the Gores, the Kings, Salé and Pelletier... All these marriages could have survived if Stevie Y played marriage counselor.

A sit-down with number 19 leads to reconciliation and a re-discovery of love.

The Chicago Cubs haven’t won the World Series since 1908.

Make Stevie Y the president and GM and suddenly, the Cubbies are racking up World Series titles quicker than a Greg Maddux fastball.

Steve Yzerman could cut down emergency wait-room times.

North Korea + South Korea + Steve Yzerman = Peace

Iraq? Afghanistan? Steve Yzerman? The war would be over and our troops would be coming home.

Stevie Y could not only put a person on Mars, he would also have arena built there just in time for the 2010-2011 NHL season. Who’s ready for the Mars Coyotes?

Yes, Steve Yzerman could probably solve any problem. But right now, his focus is on the Lightning.

And despite having Vincent Lecavalier, Martin St. Louis and Steve Stamkos, there’s still plenty of work to be done.

Fixing the Bolts will be a tough task. But hey, this is Stevie Y we’re talking about.